


wait too long (you'll miss it)

by starkmccall



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, It Goes From Comedy To Tragedy Back To Comedy At An Alarming Rate - the AO3 User Starkmccall Story, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkmccall/pseuds/starkmccall
Summary: “Ha.” Dean replies, because he is a complete fucking idiot apparently. “Just thinking, you know, the constant threat of every day potentially being the end of the world makes it kind of hard to make any ‘last night on Earth’ plans. Not like last time.”“Oh,” Cas says, looking back down at his book only to close it a second later. “Well, at least that means you won’t be attempting to bring me to a brothel any time soon.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	wait too long (you'll miss it)

**Author's Note:**

> i quite literally have not watched this show consistently since season 10 episode 5 so if ur reading this and you're like This Does Not Make Sense With The Supernatural Canon i am sorry. i'm just a girl who saw the latest s15 promo + the theories about the empty storyline and then i went fully deranged and this appeared. if dean and cas don't do a big ole gay kiss by the end of this show i'm burning down the cw building on account on continuous hate crimes. 
> 
> title from incomplete kisses by sampha which slaps and is also very much a deancas song so everyone should stream

Dean’s been staring at himself in the bathroom mirror for the last ten minutes, which - some would probably look at this behaviour and call it self-obsessed. He’s actually just mostly losing his mind because, well. Cas is sitting in the library alone. They’re in the bunker alone - Sam and Jack are off on a hunt, trying to keep up the pretence of normalcy in the ever-changing hell that is their world. 

They’re in the bunker alone, and Dean wants to tell Cas that he loves him. 

He’s not sure what exactly changed his mind from it being something he will Never Speak Of Ever to something he is suddenly desperate to say out loud. Purgatory played a part in it for sure - he almost did, right there, but Cas stopped him before he could say it, and by the time he had another chance he was too scared to do it. He’s still scared now - he’s faced down nearly every terrifying thing in human existence, and none of them have even come close to the thought of having this conversation - but for once, the need to be honest about his feelings outweighs that fear. It’s not a feeling he’s used to, it has to be said. 

It’s only once a rendition of Reflection by Mulan starts playing in his head that he realises he needs to get the fuck out of this bathroom, and - look, it’d been one of the movies on the long list of different items of pop culture that Jack felt he needed to be educated in. I’ll Make A Man Out Of You is too catchy for it’s own good. Sue him. Anyway, assorted Disney films aside, he needs to actually get out and talk to Cas, because starting a conversation with him is probably conducive to telling him he’s in love with him. Which is something he’s actually going to do. Oh God. 

Apparently he gets possessed at this point, because somehow he’s ended up standing beside where Cas is sitting, one of the many books from the bunker library on the table in front of him. How Dean fell in love with a nerd who reads for fun despite having literally all knowledge of everything in the universe in his brain is something that’ll never fail to amaze him. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas says, eyes not moving from the pages in front of him. “Did you know that giraffes used to be known as giraffe leopards?”

There’s truly no predicting what’s going to come out of Cas’ mouth sometimes. “I - I did not know that.”

“Julius Caesar gave them that name.” Cas goes on, hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck. “He was gifted one. He found it delightful, of course - until he had it fed to the lions. Caesar was not-” He turns a page absently with his other hand. “-a nice man, by any standard.”

“I don’t think you become one of the most feared leaders in the world by being nice unfortunately, Cas.”

“Well, yes.” He looks up at Dean finally. “It may have prevented him from not getting stabbed to death by all of his senators though.”

Dean huffs out a laugh. “Jesus Christ.”

“No, I don’t believe he was a part of it.”

Dean rolls his eyes - he knows what Cas is doing, and Cas knows he knows what he’s doing. It’s a little game they play with each other sometimes, though they’ve never discussed the rules - Cas can pretend to be naive and innocent, and not an all-powerful being who could snap Dean’s back in half with a single glance, and Dean can pretend to find it entertaining at best and annoying at worst, as if he isn’t consistently, overwhelmingly endeared by it every time. 

He doesn’t know how to keep that particular conversation going, so instead he just kicks the leg of the table awkwardly, clenches a fist behind his back like a child. Cas looks up at him, brow furrowed, an expression that’s remained sweetly consistent throughout the years. “Did you want to talk about something, Dean?”

“Ha.” Dean replies, because he is a complete fucking idiot apparently. “Just thinking, you know, the constant threat of every day potentially being the end of the world makes it kind of hard to make any ‘last night on Earth’ plans. Not like last time.”

“Oh,” Cas says, looking back down at his book only to close it a second later. “Well, at least that means you won’t be attempting to bring me to a brothel any time soon.”

Dean scrubs a hand over his face. “Yeah, well - that was one of my more stupid ideas anyway.” He still remembers it, clear as day - the sharp shock of relief he felt when he realised Cas hadn’t so much as touched that woman, the stark awareness that if he were two drinks deeper into the night he would have offered himself up with little to no hesitation. The feeling of Cas under his arm, face bright with glee even though he wasn’t quite in on the joke, something that pushed Dean one step closer to realising why he felt like his whole body was on fire the second they were in close proximity with each other. 

“Aren’t they all?” Cas smiles as he says it, in case his tone didn’t properly convey that he was joking, and _God_ \- Dean is so in love with him he could die. The hand that he meant to rest casually on the table has started to tremble, causing his whole arm to shake, and he sees Cas’ eyes flicker down to it before he can do anything to try to stabilise himself. His hand hovers over Dean’s, like he wants to touch him but he isn’t sure if he’s allowed to, and something about that gesture sparks enough in Dean to flip his hand over and grab Cas’ before he can pull away. His eyes are glued firmly to the floor, even as Cas asks: “Are you okay, Dean?”

Dean shuts his eyes, tugs his bottom lip into his mouth and bites down hard for a moment before looking up to meet Cas’ eyes again. The confusion on his face is enough to make Dean realise that this is _it_ \- there’s no way to joke or bluff out of this now, and even if he could, he wouldn’t want to. He’s so tired of running from this. So, “I love you.” He says, and he won’t look away from Cas’ face, even for a second. “I’m in love with you. Like completely head-over-ass, fucking embarrassing levels of in love with you, and I let myself believe it didn’t matter, and it wasn’t real, but it _is_ , it’s one of the only real things I know, and I don’t know how you feel, but I need you to know how I feel, so. This is how I feel.”

“How could you not know?” Cas asks, which out of all the reactions Dean had predicted, ranging from Cas yelling at him in disgust to Cas dropping to his knees instantly, either to propose or suck his dick depending on what mood Dean was in, was not one he expected. He can’t tell if it’s a good or a bad thing.

“Know what.”

“How I feel.” Cas rises to his feet so they’re face-to-face, sharing each other's air, and Dean might literally have a mental breakdown and die right this second if he doesn’t start explaining how he feels soon. “Dean, I - how could you doubt for even a moment that I’m not entirely in love with you? Everything I’ve done since I raised you from Hell - all of it was for you. I love you more than I have ever - will ever- love anyone. Any _thing._ ”

Dean - Dean starts fucking crying, which he definitely wasn’t prepared for, and Cas puts his free hand to his cheek, and all Dean can do is put his own hand over it and tilt his head to kiss Cas’ palm, soft. He closes his eyes, allows his tears to fall, and for a brief moment he thinks that actually for one fucking time in his life he might be allowed to be happy. 

And then -

“We need to talk.” A voice says from behind him, and it takes a second for Dean to be able to place it, but - 

“Billie?” He says, stepping away from Cas so fast he almost stumbles over, wiping the tears from his cheeks quickly. “What are you - what’re you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” She says again, tilting her chin at Cas dismissively. “Alone.”

“Alone?” Dean feels like an idiot asking so many questions, but he truly cannot comprehend what’s going on at all. “You know that anything you tell me, I’m telling Cas instantly, right?” He turns back to Cas, to see if he can explain this any further, and he looks - completely frozen. He looks completely fucking terrified, if Dean’s being honest, and even though he has no clue what’s going on, he still starts to feel so uneasy it makes him nauseous. “Cas, why - what’s happening?”

Cas shakes his head, eyes wide and sad. “That’s not Billie.”

“Well,” Billie’s - Not Billie’s? - voice rings out from behind them. “I tried.” Before Dean can say anything, there’s a horrific pain in his side, and it feels - it feels like his skin is being ripped open, but nothing’s even touching him. He cries out and falls forward, and Cas launches forward to catch him instantly, putting an arm around him and trying to tug them away from whoever’s behind him. Dean can’t even think to ask any more questions - he just runs, or tries to, at least. He looks behind him, and whatever’s wearing Billie’s face is walking behind them - there’s no sense of urgency in their movements, no look of concern on their face. Just a smile, vindictive and possessive, and Dean turns back around because he can’t stand to see it. They make it to the hallway, and as they run they can still hear, the steady click of heels on the ground behind them. “You can run, Castiel, but you can hide.”

The pain in Dean’s side is so bad he almost blacks out while they move, and he only fully comes into consciousness when he realises they’ve stopped. They’re in his room, and Cas has shoved one of his shelves in front of the door, and his hands are on Dean’s ribcage, frantic. “It won’t heal.” He says, distressed. “It won’t - I don’t understand, it won’t - I’m so sorry, Dean, I never meant-”

“Cas!” Dean puts his hands around Cas’ wrists, stopping him for a moment. Cas looks up at him, finally, and there are tears falling down his face, and no - no. Cas doesn’t cry. Cas doesn’t - he can’t - they’re meant to be happy now. They’re meant to be happy now. “What’s going on - who is that?”

“The Empty.” Cas closes his eyes, takes a shaky breath. “I made - I made a deal. It would let me out, but only if it could come for me when - when I was happy. When I was truly happy. And you, Dean, what you said - nothing could have made me happier. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“So I did this.”

“No!” Cas yells, and even he seems surprised at the force of his words. “Dean, you couldn’t have known. I would have never told you. And I wouldn’t trade what you said for anything, even my own life.”

“I would.” Dean’s voice is desperate, and his tears have started falling again. “I would, you can’t - you were meant to stay. You were meant to stay this time.”

Cas inhales deeply. “I wish I could. I wish - I wish everything were different, I wish we had more time-” There’s a slam at the door, and they both jump. Dean turns around to look, to make sure it’s not already making its way through the door, hoping that a measly shelf can somehow protect them from a fucking evil supernatural entity. Not-Billie cackles from the outside, slams on the door again, and Dean’s weak enough from his injury that he doesn’t have the energy to stop Cas from moving them around so he’s closer to the door. “It’s here. You have to let me - you can’t interfere, okay? You have to let me go.”

“So what, you want me to just sit back and watch you die?” There’s a thump at the door again, and Not-Billie yells, seemingly enraged. “You don’t know shit about me if you think I’m gonna let that happen.”

“I know.” Cas smiles, in spite of everything, and he’s still beautiful, even in the midst of all this. “But you have to. You’ve fought for this whole world, Dean. Let me fight for you - just this once - Dean, please-” Dean kisses him before he can say another word. He can’t listen to this anymore, can’t even entertain the idea that Cas will be taken away from him, so he kisses him, and puts his all into it, over a decade’s worth of love and hope and prays that somehow, just this once, his life will be a fairytale, able to be solved by the power of hope and true love’s kiss.

(Spoiler alert: it isn’t.)

Dean kisses him, and it’s messy and breathless, and he’s still kissing him as the door finally breaks down, still kissing him as Not-Billie walks up behind Cas, still kissing him as a smudge of darkness appears around them both and starts ripping them apart. Dean tries to pull him back, but he’s not exactly a match for an almighty supernatural power, and between one blink and the next Cas and Not-Billie are gone and Dean’s been propelled backwards against the wall, the pain in his side searing. He stretches a futile hand out, but it’s too late. They’re gone.

He’s so out of it he doesn’t even notice Sam yelling for him until he’s knelt in front of him, hands on his shoulders. “Dean - Dean? What’s going on, what’s happened, where’s Cas?”

“He’s gone.”

“What? Where - Dean, what?”

“He’s _gone._ The Empty - the Empty got him. I think -” He looks at Sam, and forces himself to say it. “I think it’s for good this time. I think he’s -” Dean can’t finish that sentence, and Sam seems to understand that, because he just pulls him into his arms, gentle. Like Dean’s something fragile, something that’ll break if you move him the wrong way. Maybe he is. “I told him - I told him, and he died.”

Sam doesn’t ask what it is precisely that Dean told him, but as much as it scares the shit out of him, Dean’s pretty certain he knows. He thinks he’s always known, even when Dean himself didn’t, or when he did and he was too scared to acknowledge it. It should have been a better moment - he should have gotten to tell Sam in his own fumbling way, he should have gotten to gross him out with over-the-top PDA, should’ve had family nights where they tease each other about their respective significant others, and instead. Instead he has this - his brother holding him as he shakes, and a bloody handprint Cas left on his jacket, a horrific replica of the way he’d marked him all those years ago, claiming him in the most violent way.

“We’re going to get him back.” Sam says, and somehow the way he says it lets Dean know it’s not an empty promise, intended to comfort. He’s not just sad, he’s angry - that kind of cold, bone-deep anger he seems to specialise in. It should scare Dean but it doesn’t. “This isn’t how it ends. We’ve - you’ve - this isn’t how it ends, okay? Not for Cas, not for you.”

“Yeah.” Dean says, nodding tiredly, and even though he doesn’t believe it completely, or even at all - he’ll let Sammy have that reassurance anyway. It’s only then that he notices Jack in the doorway, staring blankly at the wall. He manages to push Sam off him with a clap on the shoulder and stand up on his own, grimacing in pain. He must’ve made a noise, because it snaps Jack out of wherever he was, and he squints down at the bloody stain on Dean’s side, painfully reminiscent of Cas. 

“You’re hurt.” He says dumbly, reaching out a hand to help before he’s even stepped forward. Apparently he has some kind of crazy Nephilim mojo that Cas doesn’t, because whatever the Empty did to him is gone the second Jack’s hand touches his arm, though the ache is still there, a phantom thing. “I don’t - I don’t know how to get him back this time.”

Dean pulls him into a hug before he can think twice about it. “I know, kid. But we’re going to.” Maybe if he tells himself that enough, they actually will.

(Spoiler alert: they actually do.)

Sam tells him about the reality he saw, the one where Cas took the Mark and Dean had to put him in the Malak box and was subsequently fucked up for life because of it. He also tells Billie about it - real Billie this time - at a slightly more elevated volume - they know she’s not exactly a fan of Chuck either, and therefore knows that without Cas Dean will probably give up on the fight against him altogether. It’s a bit embarrassing, having this part of him exposed like that, but also - fucking good. He’s spent so long trying to hide it and it exhausted him - the world could still end at any moment. It’s not like there’s any point in hiding it now. Somehow, Billie manages to drag him back, and this time, when Dean sees Cas again, he gets to pull him into a kiss the way he’s always wanted, gets to hold him in his arms for as long as he wants without having to pretend to be uncomfortable with it. Gets to have Cas press him down on his bed and show him just how much he missed him, gets to hold him at night and wake up with him in the morning. 

A few minor things happen after that - they defeat God, for one. Monsters and demons and everything in between simply cease to exist. Sam moves out to live with Eileen, since now that she’s able to accept that she actually has free will and a life outside of Chuck’s decisions, she wants to be with him immediately. Dean can’t even pretend to find it gross - he’s just too damn happy for them both. Jack finds his place in Heaven, though he’s still made a promise to Cas to come down to visit on a semi-regular basis. Cas finds his place on Earth - he falls, one last time. 

It’d scared the shit out of Dean, when he first brought it up - he knows Cas loves him, but there’s still that constant paranoid part of him that believes that Cas is gonna get bored, that he’s gonna want to leave. Eventually Cas gets so sick of it he ends up grabbing Dean’s face in both hands, staring directly into his eyes, and saying: “There is nothing I want more in this entire universe than to grow old as a human with you.” Dean’s pretty convinced after that. 

They move out of the bunker to an actual house, out in the country, with windows and natural light. Cas gets a garden and a beekeeping station. Dean gets a giant kitchen and space to breathe. It’s not so big that its outrageous, but there are definitely enough rooms for family - a family that grows, one by one, both with Sam and Eileen’s baby girl and the way Cas once casually brings up during dinner that he’s been researching fostering and adoption recently, that he doesn’t want to put pressure on Dean but he thinks it would be nice to have their own family, to help out those without one. Dean nearly shatters his kneecap trying to jump over the table to kiss him. They end up with three teenagers, Sofia, Zach, and Charlie - the ones they were told would be hard to look after, that nobody wanted, that wouldn’t want to stay. As it turns out, they do.

It’s not always easy. Both Dean and Cas still wake up in the middle of the night, sweaty and terrified and shaking from nightmares. Dean refuses to sleep some nights, and instead sits by the front door, afraid something, or more importantly something may intrude on them. It’s hard to figure out what to tell their kids, at what time, how to explain why Cas freezes up when Sofia decides to get curious about religion, why Dean sometimes gets inexplicably panicked when any of them have been out of his sight for too long. And the kids have their own shit too - Sofia did run off a few times, in the beginning. Zach still flinches whenever someone slams a door too loud. Charlie hides from them repeatedly in the first few months, and it takes a while for them to realise that she’s having a non-verbal episode, something she’s used to being punished for.

But there’s good as well - Eileen’s gentle smile as she passes Katie over to Dean so he can properly meet his niece. The way Zach and Cas go out every morning to tend to every little element of the garden, which is quickly becoming known as their garden. Dean learns how to braid Charlie’s hair once she’s learned to trust him to take care of it - to take care of her. They all learn sign language, too. Sofia takes part in every extra-curricular she can, because she has the time and energy and funds to do so. Gigantic family get-togethers with Jack, Sam and Eileen and Katie, and Donna and Jody and their girls, Claire walking hand-in-hand with Kaia, tilting her chin up as if daring anyone to say anything. Donna always ends up a bit teary about how they’re all in love. Sofia and Jack always end up doing something stupid and childish together, since they’ve never had the room to be stupid or childish. They get to be as close to a normal family as they can get.

And of course, Dean gets Cas every day. He gets Cas sun-warm and brown from multiple days in the sun, Cas dripping from the rain after running out to put protective covers over his more fragile plants. Cas, happy and alive, absently pressing a kiss to Sofia’s head as he walks past her, listening intently to Charlie infodump about her latest hyperfixation, wrapping an arm around Zach’s shoulders as he slowly gets more comfortable with affection. Cas, happy and sad and bright and scared and all that he is - and completely in love with Dean. 

Maybe happy endings aren’t so overrated after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> no i didn't go into detail about how they defeated god/got cas back. that is a job for people who are good at writing and also the writers of the show i guess. i am here for tenderness and homoeroticism and family antics ONLY
> 
> also ik i said that they just generically moved To The Country and i KNOW the us is HUGE but i do not know anything about united states geography and i’m not planning to do any research about that now so. sorry americans


End file.
